


kiss me, give me all you’ve got

by AudreyV



Category: Another Life (TV 2019)
Genre: Complicated Relationships, F/F, Femslash, Kissing, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, Older Woman/Younger Woman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2021-01-14 23:37:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21242255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AudreyV/pseuds/AudreyV
Summary: Cas didn’t want to talk about it, but she knew this was another time when the Niko way is the only way.Set vaguely after 1x05 & that scene on the planet with the flowers.





	kiss me, give me all you’ve got

**Author's Note:**

> I love this trash show and I’m so happy it’s coming back for another season and tbh this probably isn’t the last fic I’ll write for it.
> 
> After years of writing pairings that about 20 people like, I can’t believe I’ve found a pairing that even fewer people are into, but Cas and Niko are fucking awesome, y’all. (Although if you’re reading this you’re one of the five people who already know that!)

“Cas, with me.”

Those three words sent a chill down Cas’s spine, but she moved to follow Niko without a word. They hadn’t talked about it since their confessions on the planet. Cas didn’t want to talk about it, but she knew this was another time when the Niko way was the only way. (And wasn’t that the problem— hadn’t it always been the problem for them? Niko, inflexible and aggressive even when she was wrong, and Cas, full of self-doubt and constantly second guessing herself even when she was right?)

Niko opened the door to her quarters and then stepped aside to let Cas go in first.

“Now that we’re alone and sober, let’s fix this,” Niko said, but Cas crossed her arms across her chest and stepped back.

“You said I’d get us all killed. You said I’m incompetent.”

“I said you don’t trust yourself,” Niko said in a firm voice. “That’s true and we both know it.”

“You don’t know me.”

“I’ve known you since you were a kid, Cas.”

“I was sixteen, and I’m not anymore.” Cas hated how petulant she sounded, but she couldn’t help it. Niko didn’t seem to notice.

“Doesn’t matter,” Niko said. “You might hate it, but after four years at the academy, I think I know how you tick.”

“You didn’t know about me and Yerxa.”

“Because you fucking hid it from me, Cas!” Niko raised her voice, but quickly wrestled her control back before continuing. “You both did. And it’s a good thing you did, because I would have told you it was stupid and dangerous.”

Niko seemed to realize she’d advanced toward Cas during their heated exchange. She took a step back, but she was still close enough that Cas could smell her sweat, close enough that Cas wondered how reckless it would be to take a step forward and see what happened.

“Thank god you weren’t awake when Yerxa cornered me and forced me into soma so he could take over the ship,” Niko continued evenly, the undercurrent of anger just below the surface of her tone. “I can’t imagine how it would have felt seeing you there, betraying me like that.”

“I wouldn’t have!” Cas retorted, accepting the temptation to step forward into Niko’s space. She expected Niko to push her away but it didn’t happen. She felt the heat of Niko’s body as she continued. “I never would have chosen him over you, and he knew that, and he fucking hated it. And I hate it, because he was the love of my life, and you’re just the person who pops up to tear me down whenever she gets a chance.”

Niko stayed quiet for a long time but didn’t flinch or step away.

“I’m sorry,” she finally said, in a low, strained voice. “If I’d known—“

“You would have done the exact same thing.”

“Yeah. I would have. But I would have been more considerate of you when I woke you up. I would have explained it better.”

“Doesn’t matter. He’d still be dead.”

“Yeah, and that was fucking unavoidable, because of what he did. But the way you feel matters too. It matters to me, even if it seems like it doesn’t.” Niko reached out and gently pulled Cas’s arms away from her chest. She took Cas’s hands in hers and held them firmly.

Cas felt a tear run hot and traitorous down her face. She hated herself for showing that weakness in a moment when she wanted so badly to be cold and strong.

“You matter to me,” Niko said quietly.

“Because my success strokes your ego. You get to feel like you’re a saint for swooping in and saving poor, sad Cas. I’m a living testament to your savior complex, not a person with feelings.”

“What’s this really about?” Niko asked quietly. “You’re throwing barbs at me and some of it I deserve but I feel like there’s something you aren’t saying.”

“What Ian did... it’s my fault.”

“No. You were in soma.”

Cas felt Niko’s hands on hers, too hot and too firm and too much. She resisted the urge to step back, to run away, to lash out and instead gathered her thoughts.

“I think Ian mutinied because it was you. I think...” Cas struggled with the words. “I think he thought if he was the one who saved the world, it might change things. It might make me pick him over you in the future.”

“You shouldn’t have had to pick anyone, Cas,” Niko said. “You admiring me has nothing to do with how you felt about Ian.”

Cas laughed, startling both of them. She pulled her hands away from Niko and shook her head.

“You don’t get it at all, Niko.”

“Then tell me.”

“Ian wasn’t threatened by how much I admire you. He admired you. Hell, everyone on this fucking ship admires you.”

“I don’t understand,” Niko said.

“I don’t want to be you,” Cas said. Her hands clenched into fists at her side. She relaxed them with great effort as she watched the confusion on Niko’s face.

“Say it,” Niko said in a low voice. She stared back at Cas like it was a challenge.

“I don’t want to be you,” Cas repeated. “I want you.”

The words took up too much space. Cas could barely breathe with the way they squeezed all the oxygen out of the small room. She watched Niko’s inscrutable face as her captain processed what she’d said.

“For how long?” Niko asked finally.

“Too long.” Cas exhaled hard and sat on the low bunk, suddenly shaky. The weight of the secret removed, she felt lighters but unanchored. Her hands shook like she’d just cheated death. She covered her face with them. A few moments later she felt Niko sit beside her.

“Say something,” Cas said through her hands. The silence was heavy and too sharp. She felt her face flush with shame she couldn’t quite explain.

“I didn’t know that feeling went both ways,” Niko said quietly.

Cas’s head shot up and she stared at Niko. After a brief hopeful flutter of her heart she decided she must have misheard, or misinterpreted an ill-timed joke, but Niko was looking back at her without a trace of teasing humor or regret.

“Fuck,” Cas muttered under her breath.

“Yeah.”

“So what do we do?”

“The smart thing would be for both of us to walk out that door and pretend this never happened.” Niko smirked and Cas felt a rush of heat go through her that had nothing to do with shame. A moment later Niko was shifting, moving over her to straddle her lap. “This is the dumbass thing to do,” Niko added as she took Cas’s face in her hands.

The kiss started off polite, soft. Cas plunged her hand into Niko’s hair and kissed her like she’d never have the chance again. She felt Niko’s lips part like an invitation and she took it, exploring and melting into the moment.

Niko moaned softly in the back of her throat. Her hands roamed Cas’s upper body, squeezing a muscular arm before venturing lower to grope and tease. The touch wasn’t precise or smooth. It was hungry and clumsy and bossy, all at the same time.

Niko kissed like she ran a mission— full speed ahead, single-minded, her way or the highway, always coasting on the edge of too far or two much, with Cas there to redirect her energy, push her in the right direction and figure out how to make it work as their hands yanked and struggled with the clothing in the way.

And Cas liked that just fine.


End file.
